Parenting Teenagers to Passionately Love God

Posted on July 17, 2007 by ronklabunde

How can parents disciple their teenagers to passionately love Jesus and live His mission?

The following are core principles (not “how to” gimmicks) for discipling our teenagers to passionately love Jesus and stand apart from the world by living His mission:

1. Possess the passion for Jesus that you desire your teenager to possess. Discipling our children must flow from who we are. We cannot pass on to our children what we do not possess. Our children will mirror us – our attitudes, actions, words, and spiritual welbeing. The apple never falls far from the tree. When our relationship with Jesus is nominal, our children’s relationship with Jesus tends to be nominal. When our relationship with Jesus is exciting, vibrant, and new, our children’s relationship with Jesus is likely to be the same. We set the spiritual tone of our children’s lives. Our relationship with God must be, what we want our children to become.

2. Share with your teenager what God is teaching you. Our children need to hear how God is actively working in our lives and changing us to be more like Him. This awakens our children’s spirit to the workings of God in their own lives. If we have nothing to share with our teenagers, then we are not “dwelling with God” and spiritual transformation will usually fail to occur in our children. Our teenagers need to see and hear how God is working to shape us more into His image. Impart to your children what God has imparted to you.

3. Pray with and over your teenager regularly. This means praying out loud and more than at dinner time or when they go to bed. When your teenager is struggling through relational drama, emotional pain, temptation, physical issues, etc., pray with them, at the moment, they share their life with you. When you pray, pray passionately, with the authority and power that has been given you through Jesus’ life and resurrection. Your example will teach your teenager to access the authority and power of God through prayer.

4. Ask spiritual questions regularly. Be slow to give answers; be quick to ask questions. Your questions have the power to launch spiritual conversations that form a strong spiritual foundation for the remainder of their lives. Questions will help your teenager wrestle with the truth of God and open opportunities for God to speak His truth into their lives as they formulate their belief system. Spiritual questions reinforce the fact that our relating with God and relating with others about God matters. Ask spiritual question and talk about God regularly.

5. Continue disciplining your teenager. God disciplines those He loves. I hope He is disciplining you. Disciplining our teenagers reveals love and directs them to the heart of God. Though your teenager will never tell you this, he or she longs for parameters that help to define God’s boundaries for their life. Discipline enforces those parameters and imparts spiritual sensitivity to the holiness of God. Continue to discipline your teenager with the same love that God disciplines you.

6. Set an example of Christ-likeness. Set an example in your attitude, conversations, and actions of what it means to passionately love Jesus and live His mission. Be with Jesus daily. Be filled with the presence and joy of God. Be incarnational. Mimic Jesus’ life, love, and authority. Talk about Jesus at church, in the market place, in your neighborhood, and in your home. Invite Jesus to be part of all you do. Live Jesus’ mission – make disciples, who make disciples.

7. What principle is missing? Comment below what principles you have discovered in parenting that are helping your teenager grow in Christ-likeness. We need to hear what you have to offer.

When we embrace these and other principles, in partnership with the grace and power of God, our teenagers will more likely be transformed into men and women who passionately love God and live the mission of Jesus.

To read more on the role of parents in the spiritual formation of teenagers click here.

Filed under: parenting | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Dispelling the Small Group Myth

Posted on July 4, 2007 by ronklabunde

It’s been said, “discipleship happens best in small groups.” Is this really true? Think about it. Perhaps you have participated in a small group or you know of others who have, how effective were these groups in forming you or others as disciples who are making disciples – people who are growing to radiate the attitudes, actions, and words of Jesus while mentoring others to do the same? My personal experience and observation is that discipleship in the context of small groups is mediocre at best.

It may be more accurate to say that “discipleship happens best in the context of relationship.” Consider. Who has helped you grow most in your relationship with Jesus (as His disciple)? Do you have a name? Most people do. Now what was the context or environment where that person helped formed you as Jesus’ disciple? Was this context part of a church program such as Sunday School, a small group, or a worship service? For most people no. This may have been where the discipling relationship began, but probably not the context where discipleship occurred best.

Small groups are like a the doctors office. They can be a great place to go “get fixed” when life, relationships, or spirituality are not working right, but they tend to do little to help people grow healthier for the long-haul. Often they are a place where people talk and relate, but do little in taking action to become more like Jesus.

Great discipleship, on the other hand, is like a health club with personal trainers – a place where people get healthy and grow healthier. Why? Because it involves personal relationship that is safe. It moves beyond Bible study and support into a place of spiritual training where people are coached to apply Biblical knowledge into daily living.

Great discipleship occurs as people move beyond small groups into personal relationship where spiritual coaching evokes action and life change.

Great discipleship demands “locking out time to lock in people”. It is not a program, it is a relationship that takes spiritual discipline, sacrifice, and training. Perhaps this is why it works better than small groups.

Small groups are important for connecting people relationally for spiritual mentoring, but they tend not to be the place where spiritually mentoring best occurs.

Note 1: the terms discipleship, spiritual mentoring, and spiritual coaching are used interchangeably in this blog

Note 2: this blog is in reference to adult small groups as they exist in most churches throughout America – there are always exceptions

Note 3: these thoughts should not be considered in regards to small groups within youth ministries. The nature of relationships and proximity of youth to each other enable small groups to be highly effective for discipleship.

Filed under: church, discipleship | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Older Adults/Parents make Great Small Group Leaders

Posted on June 12, 2007 by ronklabunde

One of the most frustrating comments I can hear from a parent or someone older than 35 is “I don’t want to serve in Student Ministries because the students prefer to have leaders that are young”. I don’t think these students would agree.

Each statement below is written by a different student pertaining to their small group leader – who, by the way, is 35 or older and in many cases the parent of a student who is in junior or senior high. This year my small group leader…

  • really got to know me and helped me along in my walk, and she taught me how to trust God and rely on His plans for me
  • explained all the lessons completely and made everything clear to me.  She was so kind and loving to all of her girls.
  • is amazing, she really encouraged me a lot
  • helped me become saved, encouraged me to be closer to God, taught me more about God
  • has helped me realize how to help show other people the glory of God
  • helped me grow in relationships with God and my friends.  She also taught me how important it was to be consistent and keep praying
  • helped me realize that I needed God!
  • taught me to always look to God
  • helped me with problems at school and at home, taught me ways to act Godly
  • acted as the hands and feet of Jesus, showed us we can trust God with anything
  • helped me to remember that God is always there with open arms, Leslie is awesome!!
  • showed me how to radiate God’s light
  • has been able to give us good advice for our problems, and she has set a good example for us girls.  We really appreciate what she has done.
  • was nice and cared for us, and gave us very good advice.
  • gave me advice and listened and helped me grow in my faith with God.
  • gave me very helpful advice in a very tough situation that I’ve been through.  She has been a very positive role model in my spiritual life and has challenged me more than she knows.
  • has helped me forgive people more quickly
  • helped me through tough times and used God too
  • encouraged us and made our experiences fun!
  • I wasn’t here much at all, but my small group leader sent me letters.
  • was so fun! She helped me with lots of my problems.
  • has helped me to grow in my relationship with God, she has shown me how to live or Christ
  • made me feel loved and was a good person to talk to
  • helped me by digging deep in the Bible more, and having open discussion about the topic
  • challenged me to be nice to people that I didn’t want to be nice to and I had to pray to God for help in doing this
  • challenged my faith in a good way, she gave me suggestions on how to get closer with God
  • has helped me grow in my spiritual walk, has encouraged me to pursue my goals with my gifts and talents, has always been there to talk about whatever
  • has encouraged me in different situations (mainly with friends to do the right thing).  She has really been there for me and someone I can go to for Godly trust.  I love her!
  • has been there for me to talk to and be a spiritual role model and leader in Christ.  She’s not perfect but sure is close!
  • encouraged me in my faith and showed me a great example of a good Christian woman to follow after
  • has encouraged me to grow and helps me look at things out of a Christian point of view, like if I’m going through something at school or home

Youthfulness is a mindset, not an age. We should never let age disqualify us from ministry. Students are simply looking for love. On the other hand, if student ministry isn’t the best place for someone to serve based on their gifts and passions, they should just say it! No excuses necessary.

For more on what God is doing to transform our students’ lives read:

The Best Team of Small Group Leaders in the Country

Stories of Spiritual Formation 

High School Students make Great Small Group Leaders

Note:

For anyone who is offended because I refer to 35 year olds as “older”, relax. I’m 36. Remember youthfulness is a mindset.

Filed under: church, discipleship, leadership, youth ministry | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

The Best Team of Small Group Leaders in the Country (Seriously)!

Posted on June 11, 2007 by ronklabunde

SM Logo3I often brag that we have the best small group leaders in the country. A statement I truly believe. The concentration and quality of our leaders is so great that other pastors comment to me on them. I’m aware that other passionate, committed, missional small group leaders exist around the country, but finding the concentration of these people in one ministry is rare. How can I be so confident of this? Read the statements of our students below and you will begin to see the significance of our small group leaders’ pastoral ministry to students. Each bullet point represents a different student. And this is only a sampling of the statements we received. This year my small group leader…

  • helped me become saved, encouraged me to be closer to God, taught me more about God
  • has taught me about how God wants me to radiate His glory.
  • helped me realize that I needed God!
  • has shown me other points of view that I hadn’t thought about my faith. I have really enjoyed my time with her.
  • taught me a lot by using her own personal experiences, she also always brought other Bible verses and writings in addition to what was given to her
  • helped me by letting us talk about whatever was on our hearts and minds, I love Mike
  • took us out a lot, and just gave really good advice and showed us he really cares
  • really got to know me and helped me along in my walk, and she taught me how to trust God and rely on His plans for me
  • explained all the lessons completely and made everything clear to me.  She was so kind and loving to all of her girls.
  • was a really good listener in our small group and always gave us a good time
  • was available to talk whenever needed and answered any questions we had
  • helped in hard times, talked to us about anything, and listened
  • provided us with care and concern; listened to us
  • has helped me to grow in my relationship with God, she has shown me how to live or Christ
  • has helped me to grow in my relationship with God, she has shown me how to live or Christ
  • challenged me to be nice to people that I didn’t want to be nice to and I had to pray to God for help in doing this
  • challenged my faith in a good way, she gave me suggestions on how to get closer with God
  • has helped me grow in my spiritual walk; has encouraged me to pursue my goals with my gifts and talents; has always been there to talk about whatever
  • helped me to work through a lot of my problems in a Godly way
  • was the best example for us girls and was always there for me no matter what
  • she has been so helpful.  Whenever I need to talk to someone, she is there.  She has made it easier for me to be open about my faith, even if some people don’t understand.
  • helped me to grow in my relationship with God
  • taught me about faith
  • has encouraged me to come out of my comfort zone
  • has encouraged me in different situations (mainly with friends to do the right thing).  She has really been there for me and someone I can go to for Godly trust.  I love her!
  • has been there for me to talk to and be a spiritual role model and leader in Christ.  She’s not perfect but sure is close!
  • encouraged me in my faith and showed me a great example of a good Christian woman to follow after
  • has encouraged me to grow and helps me look at things out of a Christian point of view, like if I’m going through something at school or home
  • helped me to realize how much more I can give to God and how I can reach out to others
  • had much wisdom and made it easy for me to apply the lessons to my life
  • has helped me on a personal level with my struggles as a Christian
  • shared many personal experiences to show how God can help people grow
  • has really given me a great role model for me in helping me be a better Christian
  • has always been there for me.  We’ve enjoyed great times together here and he and I had a very meaningful conversation that helped me while I was hurting.  He also has challenged our small group each week with something.
  • he has helped me through some hard times with my personal relationship with God, family, and my girlfriend
  • prayed for me and gave me verses to minister to my friends with
  • he has taught me about forgiveness and he helped me pick out a life verse to help me in my life.
  • he has brought up different points of view, was a big encouragement, he always cared, he was there to listen
  • tried to fit 12 kids in a 5 passenger van so we could go to Rita’s (to achieve the dream of free water ice).  It, however, failed.
  • taught me how to be a better follower of God by telling us how to be nice to people you don’t even like
  • has been awesome and helped me get through a tough time in my life
  • taught us how God wants us to live our lives
  • helped me with my relationships
  • helped me learn more on what I could do to be more like God
  • help us further understand what we already know
  • helped me interact with God by group discussions
  • taught me more about God and how important it is to worship him and spread his word
  • taught me a lot of good things about God
  • showed us the way to have fun.
  • changed my life; he became like a big brother
  • helped me with problems at school and at home, taught me ways to act Godly
  • acted as the hands and feet of Jesus, showed us we can trust God with anything
  • helped me to remember that God is always there with open arms, Leslie is awesome!!
  • is amazing, she really encouraged me a lot
  • has helped me realize how to help show other people the glory of God
  • helped me grow in relationships with God and my friends.  She also taught me how important it was to be consistent and keep praying
  • taught me to always look to God
  • showed me how to radiate God’s light
  • helped me grow in my relationship with God by teaching me more about him, and what his purpose is
  • invited me in like an old friend when I was new.
  • gave me support and encouragement
  • has listened and talked to me
  • taught me a lot about my relationship with God
  • helped me grow closer to God
  • has encouraged us with her words, she is a very good role model and I definitely look up to her
  • I only came 3 or 4 weeks, but she is a good person to talk to about anything
  • taught me more about God
  • was great!  She read in the Bible, gave us stories, etc.
  • helped me get closer to God
  • has been able to give us good advice for our problems, and she has set a good example for us girls.  We really appreciate what she has done.
  • was nice and cared for us, and gave us very good advice.
  • gave me advice and listened and helped me grow in my faith with God.
  • gave me very helpful advice in a very tough situation that I’ve been through.  She has been a very positive role model in my spiritual life and has challenged me more than she knows.
  • has helped me forgive people more quickly
  • helped me through tough times and used God too
  • encouraged us and made our experiences fun!
  • I wasn’t here much at all, but my small group leader sent me letters.
  • was so fun! She helped me with lots of my problems.
  • helped me understand the relationship between God and me.
  • he taught me about God.
  • he helped me not to sin.
  • taught me how to express my feelings and religious beliefs.
  • was very nice and brought me closer to God.
  • is a really good and nice small group leader, made my relationship grow with God.
  • is a great role model in a Christian way.  She made sure we each could experience God.
  • was great, I love Benj.  Yea Benj!
  • he was great, I love him.
  • helped me learn about God and become a better Christian.
  • would have deep discussions on what we were talking about in large group.  She is amazing!
  • we would have deep discussions on what we would be talking about that night and she would always have answers to our questions.
  • has really discussed with us in depth the things we learned, what really helped was she shared her experiences with us.
  • has helped me with better loving others and showing the bad points of gossip.  She has been a great leader to talk to and I know she is always there.
  • has helped me learn and understand more about God.
  • has directed me in my search in the Bible.
  • created a fun environment where we could learn about God.
  • taught me to stand up against peer pressure.
  • encouraged me to read my Bible more.
  • encouraged me to stand up against peer pressure.

Need I say more? Now you know why I believe we have the best team of small group leaders in the country.

To read more of what God did to transform our student’s lives this year read:

Stories of Spiritual Formation

High School Students make Great Small Group Leaders

Older Adults/Parents make Great Small Group Leaders

Filed under: church, discipleship, leadership, youth ministry | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Stories of Spiritual Formation

Posted on June 11, 2007 by ronklabunde

SM Logo3What does spiritual formation look like in a persons’ life? How can we know when spiritual formation is occurring? Perhaps, one of the most effective ways is to capture short clips from the larger story of people’s lives. This is exactly what we did with the students who chose to participate in our small group discipleship ministry during this last school year. It is humbling to read this small sampling of student statements and consider the influence of our small group leaders in the process of spiritual formation. This year…

  • I become saved and grew closer to God
  • I realized how important it is to have a relationship with him.
  • God has been there for me and has shown his glory and awesomeness. 
  • SM to help me grow in my relationship with God because it has helped me thing less on what other people think and more on God and what he has planned for me.
  • I have grown more mature in my relationship with Christ.
  • I realized that I needed God!
  • God has taught me what the purpose of life is.
  • God has helped me to trust him and put less hope and faith in earthly things
  • God challenged me to give up a large sum of money for the homeless.
  • God has taught me to show His love in everything I do especially involving the non-Christians in my life
  • God has shown himself to me in different ways and has given me a new perspective on my life
  • God has taught me this year that I really need to do to be known as a Christian.
  • God taught me to love everybody, not just my friends or those that are “cool”
  • I discovered how to have a stronger foundation of faith in God
  •  God taught me to reach out to others while having fellowship and accountability with others
  • I learned so much more about his love.
  • I became a stronger Christian
  • I grew closer to God and friends
  • SM (Student Ministries) helped me to form new relationships, especially with God
  • I discovered the value of spending time with God daily
  • I got baptized
  • God brought light to areas of my relationship where I wasn’t close with Him and areas that I need work on in my life.
  • God has shown me that I can use my music to glorify Him.
  • God has taught me more about his love
  • I have learned how to live for Christ
  • God opened my eyes back up to what I was searching for.
  • God showed me how I was living as a worldly Christian and different ways I can change it.
  • God challenged me to live a Christian life 24/7 and start applying myself with non-Christians.
  • God really helped me to realize the importance of spending time with Him
  • God used me to help lead worship for the people.  It was a pleasure.
  • SM showed me how I need to leave everything to God and he will provide.
  • God helped me be stronger in my faith
  • God used me to show other people to God.
  • God and I became much closer friends.
  • God showed me how to act Godly and get out of my bad habits.  Also he showed how amazing he can be.
  • I learned how to radiate God light.
  • God has helped me know he is always there for me, and I just need to go to Him
  • God has challenged me to do my daily devotions
  • God helped me to learn to be more forgiving
  • God led me to pray for people I didn’t like and am mean to.
  • God has helped me realize that I need to stand out as a Christian
  • God has helped me with overcome emotional issues.  I began making better choices.
  • Student Ministries was some place I could bring my friends from school and tell them about God
  • SM helped me to make more friends and allowed me to become more comfortable with friends.  I’ve really been able to open up about my faith.
  • I realized that I needed God!
  • God allowed me to grow with patience and faith.
  • God encouraged me to reach out to people in my classes.  I have become a lot more open about my faith and I feel that have grown more as well.
  • I have added more time to devotions.
  • God gave me strength.  God helped me to realize the beauty in all his creations.
  • God and I have a much stronger relationship.
  • God helped me understand him and my life more.
  • SM showed me that I need to leave everything to God and he will provide.
  • I opened my heart to serve God.
  • God helped my leaders to show me how to radiate God’s glory.
  • God has shown me how to repent against my sins.

God longs to form us more into the image of Jesus. As He does this, it is our responsibility to bring others along with us in the journey. That is just what our Student Ministries team has done.

To read more of what God did to transform our student’s lives this year read:

The Best Team of Small Group Leaders in the Country

High School Students make great Small Group Leaders

Older Adults/Parents make Great Small Group Leaders

Filed under: church, discipleship, youth ministry | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Conversation on Spiritual Mentoring

Posted on May 17, 2007 by ronklabunde

Are small groups really the best environment for making disciples who make disciples? It doesn’t seem that way.

Here are the thoughts of another pastor and I as we discussed this and other questions on the topic of spiritual mentoring. (Please note that the phrases “making disciples” and “spiritual mentoring” are used interchangably):

Small groups are…

  • like a doctors office – a great place to “get fixed”
  • a great support ministry
  • discussion oriented – not action oriented
  • a place where people meet for spiritual mentoring to happen naturally in life

Spiritual Mentoring…

  • is like a health club with personal trainers – a great place to “grow healthier”
  • is conversational and action oriented
  • is a safe relationship where people can grow in spiritual health
  • multiplies disciples as each mentoree begins spiritually mentoring others

What does it take to be a spiritual mentor?

  • “Locking OUT time, to lock IN people”
  • intentionality
  • affinity
  • follow-through
  • commitment
  • consistency
  • answering the question, who am I going to pursue (or spiritually mentor)?

Spiritual mentoring should be wholistic – touching on three realms:

  • skill mentoring (parenting, teaching, leading, shepherding, multi-media, etc.)
  • social mentoring (family, marketplace, neighborhood, etc.)
  • spirit mentoring (application of God’s truth and mimicking of Jesus in all of life)

How does spiritual mentoring happen best?

  • informally – NOT formally

What prevents most churches from being centers of great spiritual mentoring (disciple making)?

  • church leaders (pastoral staff, elders, etc.) fail to model spiritual mentoring – they fail to make disciples who make disciples by staying overly busy with church politics and business (or what might better be called “busyness”)

Filed under: discipleship | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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